Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Normalization of Banjos...

Banjo Bunny by paynehollow
Banjo Bunny, a photo by paynehollow on Flickr.
So, I was looking at a recent local newspaper today and, what did I see on the front page...? Yet another story about banjos and banjo players! This story was "celebrating" local banjo makers, going so far as to suggest that they are cultural "treasures" that have played a key role in our region's history.

It seems you can't turn around without some Hollywood celebrity or mainstream news talking head bringing up yet another news story talking about banjos. Was it just last year's Grammy's show that featured some banjo-playing band backing up Bob Dylan?? And I could be wrong, but if I'm not mistaken, some banjos appear in the soundtrack of the popular Hunger Games movie out this year. Coincidence? Don't be naive!

And don't get me started on the Coen Brothers...

Now, some people may think that I complain too much about this normalization of banjos issue. Some have gone so far as to call it "suspicious" that I talk so much about banjos ("The fellow doth protest too much..."), but the only reason I'm forced to talk about banjos is because they're out there pushing the banjo agenda.

Yes, Banjo Agenda!

Now, I know that will raise some eyebrows ("Really, Dan? The banjo 'agenda'...? Really??"), but it's real, it's happening, it's out there in the liberal media every day. There is a concentrated effort by some (those who reject our traditional values) to normalize banjos and make them an accepted entity in our culture and we have to draw a line in the sand somewhere!

I'm sure that the knee-jerk response will be to engage in ad hom attacks and call me "banjo-phobic" and suggest I hate banjos. Of course, for those interested in the Truth, nothing could be further from it: I don't hate banjos. I've personally seen and known some banjos, even listened to them a little.

There's nothing wrong with banjos, per se, it's the widespread effort to normalize this aberrant instrument and make it accepted - even amongst our children - that's the problem!

You see, you can't really have banjos without it leading to... banjo-playing, and that's where you get into problems. It's just not natural. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Earl!*

Did you know that they actually had a banjo player coming to my childrens' school to promote the lifestyle! There were no notes to parents, warning us, no opportunity to opt out, they just marched our children down to the library, sat them down and force-fed them a little Bile Them Cabbage Down. In eastern Kentucky, they actually have banjo camps for children to indoctrinate our most vulnerable ones, brainwashing them into accepting this unnatural instrument!

So, do I hate banjos? Of course, not! Love the banjo, hate the banjo-playing, that's the point.

Just don't try to push your banjo-playing abominations off on the God-fearing public and expect decent people to remain silent.**

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* Note to the banjo-ignorant: This is a reference to banjo-normalist, Earl Scruggs.

** Post Script: This post is not actually about banjos. I love banjos and banjo players. I'm married to one (a banjo-player, that is - not a banjo), even. I don't hate banjos... This is one of them there satires.

Honest.

12 comments:

John Farrier said...

There's another group of marginalized people who sometimes get stuck in the middle: those that like to play both banjos and guitars.

Dan Trabue said...

Ah, those who swing BOTH ways.

The truly depraved.

Parklife said...

Thats hilarious Dan...

I think you may be obsessed with banjos. And, I even suspect that you may be in the closet about playing the banjo.. despite your banjo-phobia.

Dan Trabue said...

Are you suggesting I'm a self-loathing, closeted banjo player?? The nerve...

Geoffrey Kruse-Safford said...

This is funny. I need more coffee to write more.

Marshall Art said...

Wow! It's a good thing banjos are morally neutral, having no moral impications whatsoever, or this might be a real satire!

Alan said...

Morally neutral? Must have never seen Deliverance.

What am I saying? It's his autobiography. ;)

Marshall Art said...

Yeah, it's all a big joke until someone loses a soul.

Dan Trabue said...

[rolls eyes]

Parklife said...

:)

MA rescuing my day yet again. Maybe he is a superhero.

John Farrier said...

Sorry that I'm late to the debate. I started watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and the next thing I knew, three days had passed.

Anyway, if we start normalizing banjo playing, then soon enough, people will want to play multiple instruments.

We're slouching our way to a bluegrass band.

Dan Trabue said...

Banjo Pickens and his Slippery Slope Boys?