Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Happy Bicycling Month!

Bike Whiz by paynehollow
Bike Whiz, a photo by paynehollow on Flickr.

An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,"How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

I'm a cyclist," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out and ride my bicycle."

" Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"

"Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old cyclist. "In fact he rode with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive . . . he's a cyclist, too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible! How old is he?!"

"He's 118 years old," says the old cyclist.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went bike riding with you this morning too?"

"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.

"Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"


Marshall Art said...

Good joke.

Geoffrey Kruse-Safford said...

A priest is hearing confessions. The little door slides to one side and an elderly man's voice croaks, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest says, "What sins have you committed?"

The voice says, "First, let me tell you my story. I'm 89 years old. Just last year I lost my wife of 67 years. She was the love of my life, and I was faithful and respectful all our life together."

"That's wonderful," says the priest.

"I decided last night to end my mourning period, so I went out to have a drink. I ended up going home and having sex with two 19 year old women at the same time."

"My goodness!" The priest is taken aback. "When was your last confession?"

"I've never been to confession, Father," the old man said. "In fact, I'm not even Catholic."

"Well, why are you telling me this?"

The old man chuckles. "Are you kidding? I'm telling everybody!"

Bubba said...

I'm usually not this dense, but I don't get it, Dan.

Dan Trabue said...

You see, grandpa is so virile and healthy, that he's done got himself a girlfriend pregnant, and HAS to get married...

Bubba said...

But what does procreation have to do with marriage? :)

Marshall Art said...

A priest, a minister and a rabbi each have their houses of worship on corners of the same intersection. They all are dealing with a squirrel infestation problem on the properties and decide to use their faiths to deal with it. After a month or two they get together to discuss the results.

The minister says, "I gave those squirrels my best fire and brimstone sermon, but they didn't seem to care. They're still all over the place."

The rabbi says, "I circumcised every one I could catch. It made them angry, but they didn't leave."

The priest says, "I baptized them."

"What good did that do?" the others asked him.

"Now that they're Catholic, they only show up on Christmas and Easter."