Butterfly
Originally uploaded by paynehollow.
I can't remember if I've mentioned it here or not, but my teenage son said it would be a fun "reality" show to find a racist or homophobe or some other troubled person, make them think they're dying, then, while they're asleep, change the room to something sorta "heavenly"-looking and when they wake up, they're told that they're dead and in heaven but it is populated by the folk they hate (ie, heaven's full of gays for the homophobe, full of Muslims - and God prefers to be called Allah! - for the religious elitist, full of unrepentant warriors to the pacifist, etc).
A little sick perhaps, but fun and educational to be sure. (How many would choose to stay, I wonder?)
In fact, that's my question of the day: What if you got to heaven and it was populated with folk that you thought no-way-in-hell would be there? Would you stay or request a transfer?
20 comments:
A group of my students told me once about a joke they played on a guy in the dorms: He'd been doing some things they collectively determined were inappropriate, so one night everyone on his hall got up, arranged their jammies such that it looked like they'd been asleep in the beds, and left the hall. Then they called him and woke him up. Apparently he truly believed it was Rapture time....
Of course, there are those of us who KNOW what to expect!
What if when you wake up, Dan, it's for REAL and you truly ARE surprised to see who is there to greet you!
I'll look for you when I get there, okay?
What? Heaven is Wal-Mart? I want a transfer!
Welcome to Payne Hollow, Keeks. Thanks for the story.
No, Deb, Heaven's not walmart. Not unless...you don't think that Sam put God outta business, do you?!
(I think that has the makings of a good newgrass/folkie song.
"And God's been put out of business, since Wal-mart set up shop.
God couldn't compete,
Heaven was just a mom and pop..."
Next line?)
I've always thought the Rule of God would be full of surprises about who is in and who is out. One reason to try to love enemies now is to beat the rush later.
But, no matter how much we know God's love for us, no matter how much we may have experienced new birth or deeply believe in grace, I suspect that most of us, myself definitely included, will be so surprised at finding ourselves REALLY and TRULY accepted into God's loving embrace that we'll be too busy to notice who else is there with us.
Ole Sam offered ease and luxury--laid it in our lap,
But when we turned the power on, we found we had a piece of crap.
(from numerous experiences with faulty Wally-World products!)
Next line?
Instead of fallen angels, falling prices everywhere/ Get your harp strings and salvation with your toys and underwear.
Next line?
These days when you arrive
at the Pearly Gates of the Blest
You'll meet Ol Saint Pete
wearing a smiley faced blue vest...
Next line?
Don't ask about the price you'll pay,
You'll not find a cleric, anyway!
(cleric, clerk--get it? LOL!)
Eternity's been outsourced,
St. Peter can't compete/
There's a little slice of heaven
At the WalMart down the street
Next line?
(And Dan, start stringing them together, boy, 'cause Nashville's gonna want a piece of this...)
Let's give it a day or two, we'll see how it comes together.
I'm not contacting Nickel Creek just yet, but this might be just the thing to bring 'em back together again...
Try this...
Our Savior takes you by the hand
And leads you through the aisles/
Piled high with bargain merchandice
For miles and miles and miles/
He speaks these reassuring words
While Musak sweetly croons/
"In my Father's warehouse
There are many rooms."
(Chorus, Dan's verse + mine:)
And God's been put out of business,
since Wal-mart set up shop/
God couldn't compete,
Heaven was just a mom and pop/
Eternity's been outsourced,
St. Peter can't compete/
There's a little slice of heaven
At the WalMart down the street!
Next verse:
There's profit now in Paradise
With Walmart running things/
Your halo comes from China,
Likewise your robe and wings.
The cherubim and seraphim
They work all day for free/
And Satan's got a sweatshop
where Heaven used to be.
(Chorus)
...
There's another good verse to be had combining Dan's bit about St. Peter the Greeter and mine about Harp Strings and Salvation. D. Daddio got some good lines in there too, especially the rhymed couplet at the end. Maybe they could be worked into the bridge...
The thing needs an introductory verse - and something with the line "the check outs all check in" would be sweet - and then maybe it will be ready for American Idolator!
Dan, that's a pretty good question to throw the complacent off balance, a sort of Zen Christian approach.
But I don't want you to be left out. So, what if ....
What if there's no Heaven at all?
The concept of a Christian Heaven is far more firmly based on Milton's Paradise poems than the Bible. I know you are keen on emphasizing first and foremost the direct quotes of Jesus. He hardly mentions it and then usually rather obliquely and cryptically. "In my father's house there are many manions ..." What exactly does He mean? "Today you will be with me in paradieso = "a garden" not necessarily an afterlife.
Do you know the pharses "eternal life" and "forever" do not appear in the NT (nor the OT for that matter)? What is translated "eternal" (since the doctrine determines the translation rather than the other way around) is "into the age" and has nothing whatever to do with duration.
Also there is no separate word for a celestial place called "Heaven" as there is in English. In every case where you see the word Heaven it is the word ouranos[from which we get Uranus] and simply means sky, most often used in the plural in the NT due to the Greek view that the sky was composed of three layers.
Very indefinate, very vague teaching at best.
Soooooo .... what if you find yourself on the other side and there's no Heaven? What if St. Peter says, "You thought THAT? No, no, we never said any such thing."
Y'all are almost as good as John Prine! :D
Wouldn't that be hell, then? It sure wouldn't be "heaven" to find out it's full of people you can't stand.
I mean, how are we defining heaven here? Just as an afterlife? Because I (and probably most others) usually think of heaven as being happy and peaceful, and hell as being generally unpleasant.
If it's so simple as just being an "afterlife", I want a job in it, somewhere, that involves personally irritating Fred Phelps for the rest of eternity. Now THAT would be heavenly.
Eleutheros, those are good questions, all. For some, who place great stock in the Way-We've-Been-Taught, it may seem sacrilegious to question Heaven-as-we've-been-taught, but I'm cool widdit.
You would certainly be correct that Jesus talked much more about the Kingdom of God than heaven. And I think that's why you'd find most of my comments directed towards Kingdom of God talk than Heaven.
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven - while some folk would prefer to concentrate on the "in Heaven" part there, I think Jesus' ministry and the early church as well talk more in terms of working on God's Kingdom here and now. That's where I stand.
I DO believe in heaven - as in being in God's company - and I expect an afterlife. Nonetheless, I manage to find a good deal of God's company right here. (Sometimes, even in your gracious presence!)
Thanks for the comments, Wembley, I reckon it would be some sort of wicked fun to torment folk like Phelps.
TIM! Wow! What a great compilation of material (such as it is). Do you write songs for a living? You made that look effortless.
I'll see what I can contribute to it when I get a chance.
Deb, I think you're right. It DOES have sort of Prinesque feel.
Dan, you've got a serious theological discussion thread and an upstart irreverent songwriting thread all tangled up in these comments. Why not escort the songwriting to its own post so that Heaven gets its due?
To your songwriting question, I've never profitted, in a monetary sense, from the lyrics I've crafted over the years, but I do sing and I do take great delight in changing the words to showtunes and popular music and then lampooning my coworkers on corporate retreats and such. As a devotee of Loudin Wainwright III, the great Richard Thompson, and the aforementioned Prine, you can see why this particular songwriting challenge appeals to my particular talents and character flaws...and if you've never heard Richard Thompson cover Britney Spears' Oops, I did it Again as a medieval ballad you are missing something truly, marvelously strange!
I'm happy on stage and have a strong tenor voice, but since I play nothing except the sax (badly), I'm better suited to playing Gilbert to someone else's Sullivan.
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