I Had a Dream

 In my dream, I was feeling ill, heavy, bloated, slow-moving, weighed down.

I went to the doctor's office (walked and bused there, in spite of not feeling well), where they did some tests and seemed quite concerned, but also unsure of what to do next.

So, they recommended more tests from more doctors, and told me to get with the front desk to find out details of where to go and when.

I went to the front desk, where I could see the nurse had some official-looking document printed out with four or five doctors' names. But instead of giving that to me, she handed me a piece of paper with a hand-written address on it and, looking furtively around, said, "Go here, now..."

While this seemed a bit odd, to be sent directly to another doctor for more tests right away, and with no name, no phone number or anything but an address, I followed her directions and started walking to this new appointment.

The trip to this new place seemed to take a long time, but I don't really remember any details (I think I stopped for a fund-raiser for homelessness and saw there the guy who sells hotdogs down the street from my office... but that may have been a separate dream...). I just remember feeling more and more weighed down and bigger, as if this illness was literally making me rounder, larger.

I believe the address was just an address, nothing else, but I kept looking at the paper as if it were giving me directions, leading me further from a developed city and further into the woods, until I was literally on a path in the woods. Then, at the "end of the woods" (or so it felt), there was a beautiful, oddly-shaped tree.

I felt I was supposed to climb it, but by this point, I was totally worn out. I felt even more tired, uncomfortably physically larger, my legs were tired, my hands were swollen and I just couldn't do it. Besides which, there was a storm brewing, the wind was blowing, leaves were whipping around and it felt rather unsafe.

Then, I think a wolf (or a scary wolf-like animal) showed up. I heard it first, a large animal moving in the woods around me, it seemed on all sides. Finally, it came out of the woods and while I don't think it was behaving in a threatening manner, wolf, you know, so I was sorta scared.

In my fear, I began climbing the tree. As I did, the wolf ran over to the bottom of the tree to chase me further up. Up I climbed, further than necessary to escape the wolf. Up into the blowing leaves with the limbs whipping around, threatening to knock my tired and gravity-soaked body to the ground. Eventually, I reached an opening in the tree branches, where I could see the forest around me and all the trees blowing in the wind.

Having a secure, large, flat branch below me and the tree against my back, I stood up and stretched out my arms, enjoying the terrifying wind that was flowing through the forest like an out-of-control river. And, as I stretched out my arms and stood there - autumn leaves blowing all around - parts of "Me" were blowing off, all that bloating and excess that I had accumulated were blowing off just like the leaves that were blowing off the trees.

I began to feel lighter, less weighed-down, more invigorated and still the wind whipped off bits of me to flutter away. Finally, I reached a point where I was so light, so freed from gravity, that I knew I wouldn't be able to stand there much longer, I was going to lose my balance and fall.

And then, I did.

Only, by that time, there wasn't much of "me" left, and - with the sky clearing and the wind lessening to a gentle breeze - I floated down to the ground below like just another autumn leaf.

Although I thought I was dying by then, it was an exhilarating and freeing fall to the forest floor that seemed to last a very long time.

From that point, I think it was as if I were seeing the scene apart from myself. I saw the bottom of the tree, the forest floor with golden and red leaves, and the wolf, still waiting at the bottom of the tree. The wolf padded over to a pile of leaves and began pawing through them and there I was, made whole and healthy.

I woke up soon thereafter.

Happy New Year.