The Amazing 'Cainac

The Amazing 'Cainac
Originally uploaded by paynehollow

Not only is he the presumptive Republican nominee, he is also an amazing fortune teller!!

COLUMBUS, Ohio (CNN) -- Sen. John McCain envisions that by 2013, the Iraq War will be won but the threat from the Taliban in Afghanistan won't yet be eliminated, even though Osama bin Laden will have been captured or killed...

"By January 2013, America has welcomed home most of the servicemen and women who have sacrificed terribly so that America might be secure in her freedom.

"The Iraq War has been won. Iraq is a functioning democracy, although still suffering from the lingering effects of decades of tyranny and centuries of sectarian tension," McCain said.

The violence in Iraq will persist, the candidate believes, but it will be "spasmodic and much reduced." But civil war will be prevented, armed militias will be disbanded, security forces will become "professional and competent" and the government will be able to impose "its authority in every province of Iraq" and properly defend its borders...

McCain said he also believes the "threat from a resurgent Taliban in Afghanistan will be greatly reduced but not eliminated" and that U.S. and NATO forces will remain in the country "to help finish the job, and continue operations against the remnants of al Qaeda."

The Amazing 'Cainac was also asked what the spirits have to say about this fall's election.

"The presidency has been won in a landslide," 'Cainac said. "I see a tall, black man in the Whitehouse. There are some fans outside holding banners and cheering. I see some letters... 'O...' 'b...' 'a...'"

And then the Amazing 'Cainac collapsed and said he had to rest, but that the spirits had spoken.