UPDATE:
I've incorporated some changes, whittled down a few verses (sorry, I didn't include them all, even though there was a lot of great stuff there - I was trying to keep it a manageable size) and reposted it below.
Whaddya think? I think it could still use some refining, so, feel free to make further suggestions.
God is Out of Business (Since Walmart Set up Shop)
by committee (Daddio, Dan, Deb, Eleutheros & GreenmanTim - doesn't have the same ring as Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, does it?)
1. Well Ol' Sam has passed away
But Walmart grows and grows
Economic prosperity
Except for the stores they close
And now that Sam has gone
To Heaven's golden shore
He's found the perfect location
For a brand new SuperStore (TM)
CH: Oh God is out of business
Since Walmart set up shop
St Pete just couldn't compete
Heaven was just a mom and pop
Eternity's been outsourced
There's no money in Grace
They tore down Heaven
And put a Walmart in its place
2. There've been changes up in heaven,
It's not what you've been told
Sam Walton's rearranged things
He won't be undersold.
He's gone and built a Walmart
Where the check outs all check in
And stocked with cleaning products
That will wash away your sin
(Chorus:)
3. Our Savior takes you by the hand
And leads you through the aisles
Piled high with bargain merchandise
For miles and miles and miles
Those tiles in the produce aisle
Look like they're made of gold
Right up to the Golden Arches
Where McWater-of-Life is sold.
(Chorus:)
4. There's profit now in Paradise
With Walmart running things
Your halo comes from China,
Likewise your robe and wings.
The cherubim and seraphim
They work all day for free
And Satan's got a sweatshop
where Heaven used to be.
And I thought we could squeeze in a little Hymn Singing:
In the sweet Buy and Buy
Now that Walmart's there,
you can buy and buy (Lots of stuff!)
In the sweet Buy and Buy
You can shop at the beautiful store
(Chorus:)
The sliding doors at WalMart
ReplyDeleteOf pearl now are made
The walls are painted Jasper red
And of alabaster shade
Those tiles in the produce aisle
Look like they're made of gold
Right up to the Golden Arches
Where McWater-of-Life is sold.
What's the tune?
ReplyDelete"Bang Away on the LULU?"
LOL!
In my head the verses, though not the chorus, are pretty close to "I'm my own Grandpaw"...with embellishments and fancy fetwork, natch.
ReplyDeleteeleutheros - brilliant new verse!
d.daddio - let's see what else we can salvage from the lyric offerings posted previously in the comments. Seems to me you had a great couplet there with the Clerk/Cleric riff.
I'm going to take a swipe at verse one later this evening.
Tell ya what, I here this Internet thing is gonna be big. Who's gonna lay down the tracks and get this baby ready for download? Mixmaster Dan? For no other reason than the pure audacity of the thing, I'd love to see how much buzz we can generate...
I'll see what I can do...
ReplyDeleteOn the outskirts for the masses, the giant it did grow,
ReplyDelete'Til the price wars on milk and gas
Stepped on mom and pops' toes!
But the oaks were just too weary so they passed a noble law,
Now the trees are kept equal by hatchet, axe, and saw!
(Oops! I don't know where those last two lines came from.....hmmmm...)
The actual lyrics (in the right arrangement) are:
ReplyDelete"Now there's no more rogue oppression,
For they passed a noble law..."
Rush, of course. The Trees
The song's been playing in my head to the tune of the old 60's "Junk Food Junkie", same kind of spoof flavor.
ReplyDeleteThere's slso an international aisle
'Cause everyone has his pride
You can get some Valhalla mead
If you were 21 when you died
The stuff on the seasonal patio
Looks a lot like Summerland
The olive oil in the ethnic foods
Is Seventy-Two Virgins brand
Glad this is bringing us all together! Ah, the powers of music.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking along the lines of the melody of John Prine's "Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore", but many of Prine's songs are the same melody, different words.
Blogging. It's a beautiful thing. If and when I get a gig, I will certainly play this.
Lord have mercy, eleutheros, seventy-two virgins olive oil absolutely kills me!
ReplyDeletePotential first verse:
There've been changes up in heaven,
It's not what you've been told
Sam Walton's rearranged things
He won't be undersold.
He's gone and build a Walmart
Where the check outs all check in
And stocked with cleaning products
That will wash away your sin
(chorus)
Usually it takes a folk song years to acquire new verses and arrangements. Through the miracle of the Internet, this one already has enough verses for easily two songs and at least three melodies! Outstanding! Can't wait to hear it performed (Deb, Dan, others).
Yeah, I was sorta picturing a "flag decal" sorta thing when I was sitting around doodling at this. When I sat down last night and played at it some, it wasn't quite that (maybe a little closer to "Blow Up Your TV", but as you say, there's sometimes not that much difference).
ReplyDeleteI really like your new verse there, Tim. I also took a stab at a new verse and dallied a bit with the chorus to fit in with the melody I was working on:
Well Ol' Sam has passed away
But Walmart grows and grows
Economic prosperity
Except for the stores they close
And now that Sam has gone
To Heaven's golden shore
He's found the perfect location
For a brand new SuperStore (TM)
CH: Oh God is out of business
Since Walmart set up shop
God couldn't take the heat
Heaven was just a mom and pop
Eternity's been outsourced
There's no money in Grace
They tore down Heaven
And put a Walmart in its place
[And thought we could also squeeze in a little Hymn Singing:]
In the sweet Buy and Buy
Now that Walmart's there,
you can buy and buy (Lots of stuff!)
In the sweet Buy and Buy
You can shop at the sacred store...
Alright. Give me a day or so to find some time to record and I'll post a recording of some sort online. Deb, do you have the ability to download a recording and add to it?
Nice edits, Dan. When you start laying down tracks, make sure to have a washboard...
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was humming along to the tune of "Palms of Victory"!
ReplyDeletePalms of Victory? That one, I don't know...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cduniverse.com/search/xx/music/pid/3393111/a/Essential+Bluegrass.htm
ReplyDeleteThere's a short clip of it available towards the bottom of this page. I couldn't find the whole thing, sorry.
It's one of my favourites.
Nice. I especially dig that mando.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have "Palms of Victory" pegged as a bluegrass title. Thanks.
That's an awesome set! I've gotta have it!
ReplyDeleteDan, you're right about the eight-stringer!
Dan et al--I just sat down with my guitar, and I think I have a melody! I don't quite know how to convey it; maybe I'll give AudioBlogger a try this weekend. Fun!
ReplyDeleteSuper, send it on when you get something. I did some Flag Decal-ish take on it but wasn't real pleased.
ReplyDelete